sabine | MMMRRRWWAAARRRGGH (Reply)

It is resolved that:

I shall use my light box, drink tea, and try not to freak out about how broken I'm feeling. Winter's just starting: we have LOTS of dark yet ahead of us.
No matter what my jerkbrain says, there are things that won't make it better.
Emi and Ox need Momma.
I will go to class and enjoy the hell out of teacher M's new choreography.
I will get up tomorrow and go to work. When I get home, I'll have a new CD and two new books to read.
I will make it through today, tomorrow, and the next days after that. I will keep going.
I will take Emi and Ox trick-or-treating. Not sure how many houses Ox'll be able to handle - his legs are still pretty short. Emi and I will canvass the entire town, if necessary. After, we'll go through her candy and exchange what she can't have for what she's not allergic to. We will then set up a rationing system. There will be negotiations.
I have some pretty sewing projects just for me. I also have some gifts to make. If I'm not around to make them, the fabric will go to waste. And that would be terrible.
Eventually, the Hogswatch gifts I ordered from Zulily will get here. Then I can add them to my gift stash. If I'm not around, those gifts won't be given to the right people. Those people then won't be happy and know that someone was thinking of them. That would also be terrible.
I haven't had a chance to wear my new dresses yet. I need to do that. That's a good reason to keep going through these days.

And so it goes. It's not good in my head these days. Trying to force it to be better just doesn't work.