cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

After going to bed last night, I spent a long time* trying to consciously relax the muscles in my face, neck, and shoulders. I had a killer headache that I thought was primarily a muscle tension problem. I flipped and flopped around, tried to get comfortable, whimpered until Downwood rubbed Tiger Balm** into my neck, and made an offhand comment to the effect of "If my drugs don't kick in soon and let me sleep, tomorrow's going to be really rough."

Shortly thereafter, my drugs did their job and knocked me out cold.*** I proceeded to have my usual set of weird dreams and good rest.

The moment Downwood's alarm went off, however, my final thoughts of the evening before were brought screaming back into my brain. The headache did not go away overnight. No, it was just as strong this morning as it was when I fell asleep.

While Downwood got ready for work, I snoozed on the bed with the dog. My morning dreams are always more lucid than my night dreams and are significantly weirder. This morning's dream was all about a headache that was preventing me from doing any work and was making it difficult to avoid spiders in my cereal in a sort of Gunnerkrigg Court-ish boarding school setting. It was with much displeasure when I got out of bed, still in pain, to walk the dog.

So now I'm getting ready to go do Anything That Doesn't Require a Computer. I'm taking a sick day to hopefully knock this thing out with Advil, tea, and no monitor usage. I told my team lead that I would check my email and stay caught up with work stuff, but I need to not hurt.




----
* - It probably wasn't very long, but it felt like the minutes were stretching into hours. Kind of like organic chem lecture.
** - Tiger Balm is beautiful stuff. Just don't put some on your spouse and then itch your eyes. Learn from Downwood's mistakes.
*** - Seriously. I hate being dependent on them, but I've been on them for so long that I can't fall asleep without them and I automatically fall asleep about 90 minutes after I take them. It's both good and bad, but since it lets me function in the Real World, I don't mind too much.

Bad thoughts

1. Forgetting how to separate home from work stress.
2. Having a week's worth of work to get done in two days.
3. A crick in my neck causing lots and lots of shoulder pain and headache.
4. Seeing only two remaining Advil in the bottle and one Tums.
5. Bright sun + headache = ow
6. Having to rush around after work to get to everywhere on time.
7. Not doing so well on the "losing weight/regain fitness goal".
8. Worrying about money and vacation and health and all that.
9. Yeah, well, you suck and noone likes you or will ever love you and...

Good thoughts

1. Having a Q-tip on my monitor and it's not your fault.
   
2. Taking the first couple days of the week for a class that will not only earn me a bonus, but will help me troubleshoot my customers better.
3. My chiropractor is on my way to work and I have a bottle of Advil.
4. Walgreens is on my way to work.
5. I have a window that gets sun, which is really helping me avoid SAD this year.  Yay!
6. I get to pet my dog, then have another belly dance lesson, then go to Kate's Lea Sophia party where there will be a dark chocolate fountain.
7. Oh, shut up.  I've been going to the gym fairly regularly and practicing the posture and isometrics for dance.  And it's Half-Price Chocolate Day.  Deal.
8. Yeah, well, at least you have these things to worry about them.  And it's been 7 years since you bought yourself a computer - you're allowed a nice one.  Also, that yarn you just got? Go make something pretty and indulge the can't-sit-still-must-craft part of your personality. 
   
9. Ok, I've had enough.  *grabs dumbass Bad thoughts voice*  *punts voice out of psyche*  Now, can we maybe try to make some headway in why the program has decided that it's just not cool to work?  If you'd like to maybe do a crossword puzzle first, I'm okay with that, but let's regain some focus - you can deal with the rest of the crap later. *dusts off hands*  Well, let's do this thing.

My day at work? Not so pleasant. I spent most of the ten hours at my desk (with an hour or so spent in oh-so-exciting meetings) and most of those banging my head against some code that Absolutely Must Be Tested Before I Leave Tomorrow. Downwood got to field several frantic emails regarding "Tell me how to make Excel do what I want it to do, please" and "I'm-a kill someone. I don't much care who, but it's gotta be done."

He promised to figure out dinner. He's so thoughtful...and has a very strong sense of self-preservation.

So I got to come home to a very excited doggy. We stretched our legs for a bit and came back to ready dinner. (In a side note, does anyone else have a dog that likes buffalo chicken? I thought she just wanted the ranch dressing, but then she was taking bits of the seasoned breading. Weird pooch.)

I did some laundry and cursed the BPAL order that I put in this morning when I found another scent among my many imps that's utterly fantastic (and two that I don't so much care for, which is a bit above the usual 1:3 ratio of love:m'eh).

It was when I was folding the last load of clothes that I remembered something that makes me very happy. It's utter bliss to be cold, pull a clean pair of flannel PJs out of a basket, and have warm snuggliness totally envelope me. Mrrr. As soon as Downwood gets back, I get to have some glom time and some good sleepings before getting up to do this all again tomorrow. Here's hoping tomorrow ends as well as today.

Current levels.

Vaporous Worry - 2
Solidified Concern - 1
Mental Tired - 4
Doggy Contentment - 7
Kitty Paranoia - 2
Fight/Flight Reality - 5.7
Loved - 35733.4

A summary of the past year, based on the first lines of the first entry for each month.

~~~
I made it to 2005. Once again, I am procrastinating.

The price one pays for pursuing any profession or calling is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side. Before I go to lab meeting today (blech! ick! donwannago!), I have two bits of information to convey.

I must remember to properly thank galieth for this addictive little game. Happy Birthday, exlibris11235!!!

Today is the 22nd anniversary of R. Buckminster Fuller's death and the 34th anniversary of Sir Lawrence Bragg's death. The news usually depresses me: people doing bad things to other people, nature doing her evil goddess schtick, and general nastiness making me wish I'd taken CNN.com out of my Daily Sites to Check.

Have less stuff.

Godiva cranberry truffles are fantastic mood adjusters. Me = teh sick.

As a confirmed Cool Whip junkie, I approached the French Vanilla Cool Whip with much glee.
~~~

Well, it makes a certain amount of sense. Sort of.

I hereby issue a general apology for my grouchiness and flakiness over the last few days. I'm hoping that a night with enough sleep and meeting doggies tomorrow will go a long way toward clearing it up, while the tea knocks out whatever invader is trying to conquer my immune system.

Bleah.


PLN
Doggies tomorrow afternoon. Cards tomorrow night. Gaming Sunday. Cookies in there somewhere. Not worrying about work too much. More tea. Grammar, too, if I can find it.

I've had this headache for 16 hours. Nothing's working.

Does anyone have an up-to-date trepanning license?

Boss is frustrating. I'm not a fan of training my successor, especially when I'm trying to wrap up rather than extend the project. I'm really not a fan of being told that I'm going to give a seminar. What he meant was "lab meeting", but the few moments of panic over a department-wide presentation of mediocre data were traumatic.

I must go buy more white thread. And some purple, too. Hm.

I've got a "skills assessment test" tomorrow morning. I'm pretty sure that I'll do fine, as standardized tests are my bitch. Seriously, if I know what to expect, I will rock its socks off. Or something like that. The only problem is that I'm not entirely sure what will be on this test-thing. Hm. No worries: I'll be fine.

Recently finished books!

HP&tHBP - JK Rowling
Um, yeah. I don't like what Rowling did with some of the characters and her foreshadowing for book 7 is subtle like eyeshadow on a 7th grade cheerleader.

The Skystone - Jack Whyte
This was a pretty good book. It's from the "historical fiction" genre, which the author helpfully defines in the introduction. This is the first book in a series that purports to give some sort of "logical" explanation of the Arthur and Excalibur myths by pulling the remnants of Roman order and swords forged from asteroids into a plot. I liked it, but I don't know if I'm going to invest the time in reading the rest of the series - it's not high on my list of priorities.

Discworld books - Terry Pratchett
The Truth
Let's give Ankh-Morpork a newspaper. Hijinks ensue. Seriously, this is one of the better Discworld books that I've read. I highly recommend this book.

Men at Arms
The second book of the City Watch. Yay for Carrot and Vimes and Ventari restoring order to the city. Or just helping the city keep going - sometimes that's all that really matters.

Wee Free Men
Ok, so I actually re-read this one. I got to start on Hat Full of Sky this morning. These are ostensibly children's books. Phooey. They're just as well written as his "adult" books. You've gotta love the Nac Mac Feegle. In the words of Pratchett, they're "like tiny little Scottish Smurfs who have seen Braveheart altogether too many times. They speak a mixture of Gaelic, Old Scots, Glaswegian, and gibberish. And they're extremely brave, and extremely strong, and there's hundreds and hundreds of them, and they are just automatically funny." Tiffany Aching is a hell of a heroine; I could have really used these books when I was growing up, and I'm very glad that I have them now. Read. These. Books.

Today is the 22nd anniversary of R. Buckminster Fuller's death and the 34th anniversary of Sir Lawrence Bragg's death. A moment of silence, please.

*moment*

Boss has shown more of an interest in my work over the last week than in the previous six months. Normally, this would not be an occasion for me to go on the warpath. He is still, however, in a mental place that encourages total amnesia for every part of his grad students' projects. Yesterday, he came in to talk about how things were going three times. Each time, I had to start over at the beginning and explain every. single. detail. again. I know that I shouldn't burn bridges when I'm still standing on them, but fer chrissakes, I'm getting sick of this.

I also want to throw the 'puter out the window. I'm not sure why it's so difficult to take a stack of image files and make them into a movie, but it's giving me fits. Quicktime Pro won't load when I'm connected to the network and my shared drive (where the files are stored), the files have mysteriously turned black and white even though I made sure to save them as a color overlap (red+green=yellow), and the tower is making noises like it wants to eat the CD. Again. I'm starting to think that the whole idea of making time-lapse videos was a mistake.

I managed to totally piss off, offend, and emotionally distress a friend last night. I know I'm not the most socially adept person on the planet, and I get less able to effectively deal with people when my mental reserves are running on fumes. It didn't really help matters any that she's very extroverted, loud, and loves being the center of attention. I figure I'll apologize as soon as I feel I can do so, mean it, and extricate myself from the ensuing conversation without causing a repeat performance. I knew it was a lost cause last night when she flounced out of the room and my only thought was, "'bout time. *sigh of relief*" I know I need to remember how to tell people that, no, really, I require some alone time if you want to see me at all.

I read about Justice O'Connor's retirement from the Supreme Court this morning. This fills me with no small amount of unspecific dread. I didn't want Dubya to be able to install any of his cronies in the committee that broadly interprets the legality of laws. I can't see anything good coming from this, so I'm restarting my quest to look for a villa on Mars.

Today is the 147th birthday of the publishing of the Darwin-Wallace theory of evolution. Yay! I'd like to take the next few moments to do the Happy Chair Dance of Society-Altering Science.

*happy dance*

I managed to finally finish reading Cicero: The Life and Times of Rome's Greatest Politician Wednesday night before the concert. I liked the book, because it's Roman history; I'm not sure that I agree with the author's claim of Cicero's importance and power. It was a very different view of the man than I'd ever been taught. Of course, I wouldn't be on Nerdtown's city council if the following exchange hadn't been so easy...

jrug: So, Bush could be prosecuted and impeached because of *these reasons*.
exlibris11235: But, that's leaving out that *other facts*
Me: But, we wouldn't be able to prosecute Bush for another couple of years, since he'll still have immunity as a proconsul. What province would he be getting, anyway?
jrug: *blinks*
exlibris11235: Syria
Me: Yes, that makes sense.

Yes, typing for the last while has made me feel better. I'm going to be leaving work in 15 minutes to drive to Chicago to spend the holiday with downwood and visit with bexdragon, too. I also am about halfway though Guards! Guards!. I read the following section on the bus this morning and just had to share it. *grin*

"A book has been taken. A book has been taken? You summoned the Watch," Carrot drew himself up proudly, "because someone's taken a book? You think that's worse than murder?"
The Librarian gave him the kind of look other people would reserve for people who said things like "What's so bad about genocide?"

Sleep deprivation always puts me in the weirdest mood. While this isn't true sleep deprivation, I'm still getting some of the odd emotional fallout from it. My brain has decided that I'm no longer allowed to sleep past 9 am. Normally, this is fine. When I lay down to sleep sometime between 1:45 and 2, it's a bit annoying. Times like this morning, I try to just stay numb. I've lost most of the rational controls on the wheel'o'feelings, and I don't really want to put those around me through that gauntlet.

Maybe I don't have to be numb. Maybe being weird will work the same. If I indulge my weirdness, then I don't have to worry too much about the serious. It's worth a shot.

Hm, my feet are cold. This wouldn't be surprising if it weren't July. Mother Nature has seen fit to grant us nice, cool, pleasant weather in the middle of what would normally be hot, muggy, icky summer. My feet are cold and there's Boy sleeping in the room right over there....I bet he's warm....