cleverly disguised as a responsible adult

I'm going to be off of work for nearly 3 weeks. My customers are worried. My coworkers are worried. They will all miss having me available at any hour of the workday.

So I'm having meetings with everyone.

Today, my calendar had meetings scheduled from 9 until 4:30. The only meeting that wasn't a real meeting was one from 12-12:30 labeled "DO NOT SCHEDULE - IMPORTANT".

It got scheduled over.

Now, granted, the meeting scheduled over it is one that is actually important. When a group decides to bring a facility live in 10 days start to finish, we need to treat that with urgency.

Still. The only thing that has salvaged today is that my 11-12 meeting ended at 11:35. I got to fetch lunch and eat it while on mute on this call.

Just...GAH! Too many things. Anxiety is through the freaking roof.

Forgot to restock my purse Emergency Xanax again. Bad plan, past me. Bad. Plan.

From 8-5 today, I was pre-scheduled for 7 hours of meetings. And then, of course, I've had several other phone calls, OMG!CRITICAL FIX IT NAWO things, and a myriad of smaller concerns. This doesn't bode well for sanity for me.

Forgot my water bottle again. Fuck.

Sitting at my desk on the phone, I keep getting really dizzy. I had a tasty lunch, but probably haven't been drinking enough water. This is distressing and upsetting.

My head is pounding and has been since I arrived at work. This is distracting and upsetting. I try to stretch out my neck, since I know the constant pressure and shouting is making me more and more tense.

I want to go home and work on a new dress. I want to get my To Be Sewn queue down far enough that I can work on the commission a friend handed me. I want to have spare brain cycles for updating my various Storium games. I want to sleep and not wake up over and over through the night. I want to not be so chubby, but I lack the willpower to not snack. I want to not feel guilty about wanting these things. I want to snuggle my kids without a bedtime battle first. I kind of want to throw up.

I want this phone call to end so I can go get more water so I can take some Tums. I want this phone call to end so I don't have to listen to these people any more. I don't want to check my voicemail in between my next two calls.

I want to jettison half of my responsibilities at work. I want to take on new, exciting, and WAY MORE FUN responsibilities, but I haven't the time or energy. I want my TL to act on this instead of just saying that we're in a tight transitional period and it's not possible right now.

I want my new meds to work better than my old meds. I want this med transition to go well. I want my wrists and thumbs to stop hurting.

I want Ox to talk. I want to hear what my boy's thinking about. I want Emi to love Kindergarten and not hate it because she'll have to get up early.

I want to not be freaking out about traveling this weekend for work. I want everything to go well so that I don't have to be awake for 30 hours straight. I want to go to the shiny store. I want to sleep and I want to visit with my favorite people there, not with the ones who've been making my life hell this week.

I want my PMS to wrap itself up already and my uterus to figure things out.

I'm tired of this. As may well be imagined.