I have purchased my annual WorldCon supporting membership. I am beginning to think critically about my Hugo votes. I try to only vote for things I've actually read, not just things that sound real good or are by someone I recognize.
I am...perturbed by the slate this year. Many words by much finer authors than I have been written. I will attempt to compete in neither eloquence nor length.
I am a SF/F fan. Have been for a long, long time. I read widely and I read a lot. I am passionate about both the things that I love and the things that I dislike, as my Goodreads reviews would undoubtedly tell you.
I've never been to a WorldCon. I have too much social anxiety disorder for that to even seem like a fun time. There are few large gatherings that I can contemplate attending. Even TeslaCon or GenCon - where I'd probably have a great time - incite panic when I think about actually attending. Finances and children are handy excuses, but the heart of the matter is that I simply can't figure out how I'd go to one of these without being a mess before, during, and after. Not enough Xanax in the world.
I do, however, always buy a supporting membership to WorldCon. Have done for several years now.
Why? It started when there was a story nominated for a Hugo. "Rat-Catcher" by Seanan McGuire. It's Tybalt's origin story and I NEEDED to read it. The only problem was that it was published in an anthology that I couldn't get my mitts on. But it was nominated for a Hugo and Scalzi started a project where publishers would provide copies of nominated works so that voters could make an informed decision.
So, yes, I started out as a Hugo voter simply so that I could get one particular story in the voter packet. Shallow? A bit. Worth it? Completely.
Since then, I keep buying a supporting membership. I like the illusion that my opinion will help someone win a Major Award. I like having the opportunity to read the best of recent fiction - especially the novellas and short stories that I normally wouldn't come across.
And now we have this year. And this slate of nominees. And for the first time, I feel cheated. $40 is a fine price, but this year it feels like a rip-off. I *don't* want to read most of what's likely to be in the packet. I *want* to vote NO AWARD in several of the categories, just by looking at the authors.
This isn't my fandom. This isn't what I wanted to happen. I nominated my favorite things - and one of them's on the ballot - but this just makes me sad.
I get the feeling of being left out of a popularity contest. Really, I do. I get passed over for awards at werk while newer folks get recognized for what feels like lesser work. Popularity never works in my favor.
But, even though my feelings are hurt, I don't understand the desire to break the award system. I'd rather keep working and keep doing the best that I can do and hope that it's seen than have someone game the system. Popularity may not be fair, but it's more fair than the alternative.
I just...am sad. SF/F fandom was supposed to be a place where we can shout about the things we love, find other people who love them too, and not have evil to contend with. Evil was supposed to stay on the page, not out in the open.
I'm going to curl back up with a book that I love and try to not think about this for a bit.
Also, in case you were wondering, "The Goblin Emperor" is clearly the best book in the Novel category. If your tastes are more SF than F, "Ancillary Sword" will probably be your vote for best novel. But, still, that's my opinion for this popularity contest. And your opinion is more than welcome to not be the same as mine.
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